Our class was introduced to a new student. His name is Andre. And he’s chocolate colored, in case you didn’t get that from his name.
And seeing that he is the only black kid in my school, everyone wanted him to be their token black friend.
My school suddenly turned into last year, when everyone was fighting over the token Asian, Chung. Which as you know, I won Chung as my token Asian best friend. But everyone knows that a token black friend is worth much more than a token Asian friend. So I got to work looking for ways that I could impress Andre and make him my token friend.
I googled “things black people like “ and the next day I came to school with dreadlocks, a bucket of KFC original recipe, an Obama T-Shirt, a ‘Waka Flocka Flame’ album and an Oprah coffee mug.
None of the above seemed to impress Andre… And for some reason he actually seemed a bit offended by some of them.
He was especially angered by my greeting him with saying “Sup my ninja”… Which apparently sounds too much like another word? I don’t know…
I read on twitter that black guys like “white hoes”… So I needed to act fast to get Andre as my token friend, before Jenny got her slutty hands all over him.
I apologized to him for coming off so GlennBeckish and I even offered him some of my watermelon I packed for lunch and he got super pissed. I wasn’t meaning it to be racist… I just really like watermelon.
After explaining that to him he sort of calmed down… until I told him I had a black half-brother and asked him if he knew him. He became extremely upset again. Apparently not all black people know each other… My bad.
I would like to say that we hashed things out and became best friends. But I think we all know that we all the accidently racist things I say, it never would have worked.
I gave up on my dream of having a black friend and I let slutbag Jenny have him. She’s probably diddling his skittle right now.
So I guess the moral of this story is: you don’t always get what you want… Not even If it’s a super cool black friend named Andre.
**Please note: nothing in this post was meant to be offensive. It is all written in good fun. If you’re offended please go to the store and buy a sense of humor. Cause this s… is funny**